If Life Were Easy

I've been thinking a lot about my life lately. Growing up will do that to a person. For the past few weeks, getting a job has been the number one thing on my mind. So far I haven't even applied anywhere because I'm scared of a few things:

1. Rejection is hard for me and the first place I apply isn't going to hire me off the bat.
2. I suck at first impressions, and I'm going to need a face-to-face interview. I think that's one of the things that scares me most.
3. My resume is rather unimpressive. There's practically nothing on it. That doesn't make me feel very confident.
4. Getting a job will eat up all my time. I won't be readily available when people call me up to hang out. And it'll be tons more complicated to schedule weekends with my dad.
5. I don't think there is any job out there that doesn't require some sort of customer service. I hate customer service.

I could think of more, but all I'm really doing is coming up with excuses as to why I don't have a job yet. So I've decided just now to also come up with a list of why I do want a job.

1. Money, of course. When I have money, I feel free. I can do whatever I want.
2. I have way too much time on my hands and having a job will fix that problem.
3. There's a good chance that I'll meet new people and get new friends.
4. I think getting a job (if I get the right one) will build my self-esteem and give me confidence.
5. The guilt I feel everyday when I think about jobs will disappear.

Right now, the cons outweigh the pros. I have too much anxiety and not enough confidence to go out and apply to places. I get highly uncomfortable when I even just think about applying or interviewing for a job; the comfort level when I actually get around to filling out an application is distracting. It's hard for me to do these simple things, I think more so than others. I have a couple of friends where it seems like the only thing they do is apply and go to interviews and wait for phone calls from potential employers. I highly admire them for being able to even get the applications in.

The good news is that I have another friend who needs to get a job and I might go job hunting with her. It would be fun and it would definitely motivate me. I've already told her that we should go get our food handler's permits with each other soon. I'll have to set that up and then call her or something.

I'm going to go frost some cupcakes. I hope I don't drop another one.